“The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on and individual level. It’s got to happen inside first. You can take away a man’s political freedom and you won’t hurt him- unless you take away his freedom to feel. That can destroy him. That kind of freedom can’t be granted. Nobody can win it for you.” – Jim Morrison
Yesterday, I was in a pretty bad car crash
It happened while I was driving home to Lexington. My mind was racing 100 mph, the rest of the world was pulling me in 50 different directions and yes I was on my iphone. As could be expected in the midst of chaos I stumbled into an intersection where a driver in control of the road slammed hard into my car crushing the entire front end of my vehicle. Instantly, the airbag smashed against my chest, then quickly unraveled over my head and throughout the car. The impact took my breath away.
Now this will sound terrible but honest..
My first thought: “I’ve completely lost control and my car it is about to explode. I have to save my computer.”
My next thought: “Are the passengers in the other car ok?”
Everyone was safe and unharmed but frantic, my Mac and I were still in mint condition but my sexy car was mangled beyond repair. I stepped out of the car into the chaos and debris and waited for the lingering nightmare to end.
Flashback to five days ago: I had the reverse experience.
Driving along the coast of sunny California, while taking some much needed “Amanda time”, iphone shutdown, I stumbled upon a drive so beautiful, so peaceful, so overwhelming, that it took my breath away. Several times along the way, I had to just stop, get out of the car, and convince myself that it was real. The calmness, the serenity completely captivated me and for moments that seemed to last forever, everything seemed perfect. Not wanting the feeling to end I decided to I drive for miles and miles.
Now this may sound to good to be true but..
My first thought: “I don’t know if I’ve ever felt so free, so liberated behind the wheel.”
My second thought: “I could lose myself on this road, on this path, forever.”
Flash forward to the present.
I’m still shaken and overwhelmed by both experiences. And while it’s hard find the nerve to get behind the wheel again, I’m definitely ready to drive down the road with less chaos.
Sometimes, I think the universe speaks to us in the most painful, the most powerful, and the most deliberate ways.